Question #10: Why Wait?

This blog is the second in a series "The Top Ten Questions People Ask Pastors." All ten questions are listed in last week's session.

Top Question #10: Why shouldn't a young man and woman move in together if they are already engaged to be married? In the expensive area where I live just outside of Washington, DC, the economic situation is commonly offered up as a good rationale. That is, it would cost a fortune for two young adults to maintain separate residences until the wedding.

Of course, when you begin to base your ethical decisions on financial calculations, you have already lost your footing and are on your way down. Think about it. Why go to all the expense of raising a child when a quick abortion is so much cheaper? Think of all the money a family could save for college by going ahead and letting an aging parent die, rather than allowing her to continue at home for a while. A lot of sick children would never survive if parents failed to get them medical treatment just because hospitals are expensive!

Once you rule out the economic excuse, there's only one other rationale for two Christians shacking up before marriage. That last rationalization would be, "Everybody's doing it." I presume we don't have to explain why holy people refuse to base ethical decisions on public opinion polls. Even if you really are that one couple in 1,000,000 who can remain chaste under those circumstances, you have created the appearance of willful disobedience. God instructs us, "Be holy as I your God am holy."

But in case you're not convinced yet, here are three more scriptural commands that ought to have some bearing on our choices.

1. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 warns us to "Abtain from every appearance of evil." A few unmarried couples have assured me, "We still plan to wait until we're married to have sex. We will have separate bedrooms in our new apartment." If I'm the average American, I don't believe you for a moment. In fact, even if I'm your pastor, I don't believe that skinny little rationalization. Godly young men should man up and do what the Lord commands.

2. Galatians 5:17 is very clear. "For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature, so you cannot do what you want." That's not the Holy Spirit urging you to move in with your fiancee' I can assure you. It's the flesh. And the moment you sign the lease on the apartment you'll share, the flesh has won over the Holy Spirit of God.

3. Romans 13:14 advises us, "But rather, clothe yourselves in the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Tyndale even translated the Greek more precisely, "Make no provision the lusts of the flesh to fulfill." Moving into a residence with a member of the opposite sex to whom you aren't married is what we call "making provision for the lusts of the sinful nature." Only a fool would call it "economics."

So what about the young couple who truly has financial constraints? There are many alternatives. Let one partner live with parents for another few months. Perhaps one partner can live with friends for a few months. If all else fails, move up the wedding ceremony and tie the knot earlier. When a tender young woman mentions that she can't fulfill all her wedding fantasies that quickly, I have a simple reply. As a follower of Jesus Christ, which is more important to you: your fantasies of what your wedding should be like, or the Lord's desires about how his servants should live?"

Selah!

Next week, we'll pick up Top Question #9.