Quite by accident last week, I came across a paperback book which had been misplaced in one of the dark corners of a closet. In the process of returning it to my office, I glanced once again at the closing chapter. In To Own a Dragon, Donald Miller describes what it's like to grow up without a father.

He recalls thinking, "It's so hard to believe God did not abandon us." He describes feeling ambivalent- as though God is a really nice guy, on one hand. But on the other hand, it feels like he's busy with other kids and doesn't have time for us. Having been abandoned by his own dad who had other projects that mattered more, Miller remembers that he could never accept the idea that he was really not a burden to this distant, distracted God.

I revisited that chapter last week. This week it was an article in the Wall Street Journal that reached out and grabbed me. The headline explained, "THIS IS YOUR BRAIN WITHOUT DAD." According to the article, scientists in Germany have found that "growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops." The research involved a variety of small rodents in which both male and female parents remain together to raise their offspring. What they found was that the absence of a male parent actually hardwires the brains of the offspring differently. Compared to typical two parent animals, the rodents raised by a single parent are consistently more aggressive and more impulsive. The scientists found that the neurons of one parent rodents were noticeably different from those of two parent animals after only 21 days! It wasn't just a matter of environment leading to attitudes. Their brains had literally developed differently!

Of course, it doesn't require rocket science- or animal science- to observe that fatherlessness creates hazards for boys and girls. Fatherless kids in the inner city are more likely to wind up in violent gangs. Fatherless kids in wealthy suburbs are more likely to engage in dangerous activity involving sex and drugs. Some fathers have physically abandoned their kids. Others have simply departed mentally. Without a doubt, many have been shoved away by self-centered moms who aren't willing to pay the price for family.

The saddest thing of all is that Americans have been seduced by the notion that this is okay. Shouldn't everyone be free to choose? The more choices we have, the more opportunities we can seize- theoretically! But in reality, even animal research shows that some kids don't get as many choices. Children who don't have fathers can never choose certain benefits and assets because their brains have developed quite differently- out of sight and behind the scenes.

In American culture, fatherhood is treated like an option that costs too much in terms of time, energy, and self fulfillment. How blessed is the boy or girl who enjoys the essential benefit of a godly dad. To steal a phrase from a card company, fatherhood is what happens when you care enough to give your child the very best.