Sliming the Word of God

A good friend asked me to read a book he'd purchased and share my thoughts. It was titled, Ten Things Your Minister Wants to Tell You (But Can't Because He Needs the Job.) It's one of those skinny, chatty, anecdotal books that assume "hip honesty" is cool and orthodoxy is obsolete. Most pastors can't afford to be honest, right? They have to say certain things in order to stay on the payroll, so somebody has to re-educate ignorant Christians whose number is Legion. Apparently, this author was glad to volunteer.

One light-weight chapter offered a word for all those foolish souls who believe the Bible is "inerrant." In one deft paragraph, this spiritual advisor charges many of his brothers and sisters with "pat answers," copping out, and wasting other people's time. So much for love and gentleness. Then he twists the knife with this statement: "Let's turn to the painfully obvious biblical errors." (Aren't you glad he's a friend, and not an atheist or something?)

Are you ready for the first, and most "painfully obvious" error in your Holy Bible? 1 Kings 7:23 "values pi at 3 instead of 3.14 as we now know it to be. Close but not inerrant." Having never come across the term "pi" in Scripture, I hurried to find the offending text. In fact, the passage simply describes a round object in the Temple which was ten cubits from rim to rim, and thirty cubits in circumference. Dividing the circumference by the diameter should calculate 3.14, so the statement must be erroneous and unreliable.

All I could do was laugh. I thought about the Greek sophists of Paul's day who took pride in being able to argue any point, no matter how irrational or absurd. Since when does a narrative describing the appearance of the Temple have to express every dimension of every structure within two decimal points in ancient Hebrew? This account was written to help us imagine the Temple, not rebuild it to scale! Think about this:

• The Bible is full of rounded numbers, and everyone has always known this.
• Exodus 12:37 summarizes that the Exodus included 600,000 men, not counting women and children. If we should some day find an ancient Egyptian manuscript that proves 600,023 males actually departed, that would confirm the account, wouldn't it?
• 1 Samuel 4:2 describes how the Philistines killed 4,000 Israelites in one battle. Perhaps you've noticed that most fatality statistics in Scripture are amazingly round numbers! Would you be shocked or offended to find an ancient historian who counted 3,997 bodies? Most of us would assume this confirmed the biblical estimate.
• Matthew 15:38 records a miracle in which Jesus multiplied seven loaves and a fish to feed 4,000 men plus their families. Now if Jesus really multiplied that small amount of food, but only managed to feed 3,987 men plus their families, is Matthew a big fat liar? Is God?

So much for "painfully obvious errors!" However,I have decided the book is right about one thing: if I believed that kind of rubbish, I would lose my job. My people have much more respect for God than that. In fact, if I really approached God's Word with such apprehension, I would resign my job. I would have no supernatural basis for supposing that lives could change, miracles could happen, or people can live forever. I would be as shallow and spiritually empty as many of the books in Christian bookstores.

Dear friends, you never need to worry that God's Word will mislead you. God won't stand for that. But you should beware of laid back authors who describe how well they know God in spite of the Bible's flaws. Misery loves company, and these unhappy souls have invited you into the trap to share their fears and sorrows. Don't take the bait. Trust the Lord.