A Good Church is Hard to Find

One of the newest titles on the bookstore shelves is called Quitting Church. Religious columnist Julia Duin explores the recent phenomenon of "faithful" Christians who are fleeing The Church. She suggests that number is more than one million annually. And the book explains that these are not hardened pagans: they are spiritual people who have tried to get connected but have finally given up.

Let me concede from the start that I haven't read the book. I've simply noticed several articles and reviews dealing with the topic in recent weeks. But comments which have been attributed to the author raised some interesting questions in my own mind. For example:

• The author documents that the majority of American Christians belong to a small pool of extremely large churches. "Megachurch" is not a popular term in the culture today, but it's still a popular size.
• The book apparently suggests that many people are abandoning the Church because they do not feel loved and cared for.
• Singles are especially prone to leave the Church as they often feel overlooked or neglected by the all consuming prejudice toward "families."

I would never diminish the problem highlighted by Quitting Church. I have been observing this trend at the national level for years. Despite all the glowing percentages which indicate most Americans are "Christian," the reality is that our share of the population grows smaller each year, and we are clearly losing the teen-aged population. I'll even agree that if there is blame to be passed around, there is plenty of blame to place at the door of individual churches. Some are too combative. Others are too cold and rigid. Still others are so vague that they stand for everything, which means they will fall for anything.

But I haven't heard anyone suggest there might be a problem in the way Americans approach the church. If you really want to be connected and cared for, why would you assume that a very large church would be the first place to look? This is not a criticism of megachurches. There are certainly some well-organized, ministry-centered super churches that offer great small group involvement. But why would most Americans automatically assume that a church with thousands of members would be the best place to enjoy personal care and connectedness?

The author mentions that a growing number of single Americans are having trouble finding a mate these days. Trends suggest it is too time consuming to sort through dozens of "candidates" to find a potential spouse. Many searching singles are trying quick new options: speed-dating, "Just Lunch" dating services, computer dating, online matchmaking, etc. And of course, there are still bars. Recent evidence suggests that while men and women still want to find a life's mate, the search process is just too cumbersome and time consuming for the expectations of today's fast paced men and women. Who has enough time to search through dozens of relationships and blind dates hoping to find what we need? "I want it all and I want it now." Hence, more and more Americans are "quitting marriage."

I wonder if that's one reason for the frustration with The Church today? There aren't just three churches to choose from. There are dozens if not hundreds: some good, some not that good. And denomination is no longer a clear indicator of what a church will be like. So rather than spend months investigating, we just try 2 or 3 of the biggest churches in town. After a couple of months, we're so tired of searching that we settle for one. And we often find the match isn't right. So maybe we'll try one more megachurch in desperation. Or maybe we'll just complain and finally drop out.

Singles are among the most likely to gravitate towards huge churches. They apparently hope the odds are better with a gigantic pool of singles from which to choose. But it's amazing how often singles in our medium-sized church seem to find each other and get happily married, despite the fact we don't have hundreds of twenty-somethings. And along the way, they have enjoyed a sense of family with the church family: loved and cared for.

Quitting Church suggests "faithful" Christians are falling by the wayside because churches are not willing to pay the price. I'm sure that's true to some degree. But I suspect it's also true that many religious people have fallen through the cracks because they were unwilling to pay the price. Faced with one hundred church listings on a website, it takes time to read, think and pray. It's time consuming to visit eight or ten churches of different sizes and locations. And it requires even more time to go back to an appealing church three or four times to be sure it's a good fit. But time is indeed part of the price we pay for a great church experience. And as the wise men say, you get what you pay for.